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"My name is Eddie Esperanto. I'll be your translator today. I've been asked to translate the remarks of G.O.P. Hoodwinker, a Republican candidate for Congress, who will be speaking to you. I'll be translating Mr. Hoodwinker's speech from his native language, Doublespeak, into plain English. Doublespeak has been defined as evasive, ambiguous, high-flown language intended to deceive or confuse. Let's listen in on Mr. Hoodwinker."
"Mr. Hoodwinker says that he's going to lower government spending and reduce the deficit. Republicans always make this claim. Somehow, it doesn't necessarily turn out that way. During the George W. Bush administration, the Republican president initiated two unfunded wars and an unfunded Medicare prescription benefit. As a result, both spending and the deficit shot through the roof."
"Presently, the GOP fervently opposes the health care reform law, even though the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office affirms that the new reforms will save $143 billion over the next 10 years."
"Aha, now Mr. Hoodwinker is upping the bet; now he is saying that he will both lower your taxes and the deficit at the same time. That's going to be quite a trick. The Bush tax cuts, enacted in 2001, are designed to expire at the end of this year. President Obama wants to keep them for middle class folks; individuals earning less than $200,000 per year and couples making less than $250,000. That's 98 percent of Americans. He claims that during this economic downturn, the middle class will immediately spend the money on necessities - food, clothing, shelter, and schooling. By spending money right away, the middle class will stimulate the economy and create jobs."
"In addition, Republicans want to keep the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest 2 percent. However, wealthy people don't undertake new business ventures in a stagnant economy. They play it safe, and invest their extra money in their portfolios. No jobs are created that way. Moreover, keeping the tax cuts for the wealthy will deprive the federal government of revenue and increase the deficit by $31 billion a year."
"Don't pity the rich. Federal taxes on the wealthy are the lowest they've been in 60 years. In 1944, the top tax bracket was 94 percent, and it remained above 82 percent until 1964. Ronald Reagan cut taxes, but only to 69 percent for the top bracket. The Bush tax cuts helped lower the top rate to 35 percent, but deprived the federal government of so much revenue that the deficit exploded. Allowing the Bush tax cuts to lapse for the top 2 percent would push their rate from 35 percent to 39.5 percent, not exactly a death blow. I don't think I'll see them rummaging through dumpsters. Well, I digress. Let's go back to Mr. Hoodwinker's speech."
"Mr. Hoodwinker claims that the Republicans are long-time and true friends of small businesses. As the old saying goes, 'with friends like that, who needs enemies.' The New York Times reports that Republicans have voted against eight new tax cuts for small businesses so far this year and they called for the repeal of small-business tax cuts in the healthcare bill."
"Mr. Hoodwinker says that, if elected, Republicans will get things done. That doesn't pass muster with me. Republicans in the Senate blocked 335 bills that were first passed by the House. Republicans used the filibuster rule 223 times in the Senate to prevent legislation from coming to an up-or-down vote. Funny, that sounds like obstruction, not progress, to me. That's The Party of No bringing the legislative process to a halt."
"Now, Mr. Hoodwinker is claiming that if he is elected, he will be an independent voice for New Hampshire. No party bosses will tell him what to do. Well, in order for a minority of 178 Republicans in the House and 41 Republicans in the Senate to stop all that legislation, they often voted as a bloc. No dissenters were allowed. Everyone followed the party leader's orders or else."
"In a large number of votes, Republicans unanimously opposed bills. If they didn't play follow the leader, members were punished - bad office locations, poor parking spots, undesirable committee assignments, no monetary contributions from party sources. They went along to get along. The idea that a Republican legislator will be an independent voice in Congress, that is, is free to do as he or she pleases, is sheer nonsense."
"Oh, you're wondering why the things Mr. Hoodwinker is saying differ so much from what I say. Well, sometimes things don't translate very well from one language to another. Things Republicans say in Doublespeak just don't make a lot of sense in plain English."
This column first appeared in The Forum. It appears here with the permission of The Forum.
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