Gay Equality: About Pedro And Matthew

by: Rep. Jim Splaine

Mon Oct 17, 2011 at 08:51:53 AM EDT

Throughout America, we see more acceptance of equality of gays and lesbians than ever in our history, although we have much more to do.  Sometimes it's good to take a moment and remember some of those who came before us, and commemorate their courage.  

Here is my column from this past week's Portsmouth Herald about two of our heroes:

GAY EQUALITY:  About Pedro And Matthew

Heroes. Each of us have some. People we look up to or inspire us. People we want to be like. Or those whose actions improve the lives or future of ourselves or others.

Having heroes in our lives provides balance to people who are not heroes. I'm reminded of the recent Republican presidential debate where not one candidate took exception with several audience members who booed a gay soldier who had the courage to ask a question about equality. None of those candidates that night rose to hero status.

Just as bad is when a New Hampshire state representative opined that he thought the audience was "great" because they booed, and added he was "disgusted" the soldier came out, suggesting that in the field you need "your brothers covering your back, not looking at your back." That lawmaker is no hero for saying that. But I trust other soldiers, who are our heroes, would indeed help out their fellow brothers.

I have many heroes. Here, I write about two of them: Pedro Zamora and Matthew Shepard. Most people probably don't know those names, but we all should because anyone will be richer, fuller by knowing about them. So I'll tell some of their story.

I wasn't a "Real World" viewer at that time until I read he would be appearing, so along with many others who were involved in bringing AIDS awareness and fighting the disease, I joined one or more friends sitting around our then-bulky and fuzzy TVs watching every weekly episode.

President Bill Clinton also became a viewer of what became "Pedro's Real World," because that year's show evolved into a sad and personalized, although at times very uplifting, story about one young man's final months of struggling with a horrible disease, and the homophobia and fear that surrounded him.

By sitting in front of our televisions, millions of us learned his messages that we had nothing to fear about being near, or sharing love with, people living with HIV. And we learned that people who are gay are like everyone else: We eat breakfast quickly, enjoy pizza, have dinner with conversation, laugh, read, sleep, and we have our good days and our bad ones. And we love, and we're loved. No special "agenda." Just life and living, day-by-day.

In a twist of heartbreaking coincidence, Pedro Zamora died the night the final episode of "The Real World - San Francisco" was nationally broadcast on Nov. 11, 1994. His work wasn't done, but he did all he could do and left it to those he had inspired to carry on. He was only 22. President Clinton and millions of others called Pedro a hero. Indeed he was.

Matthew Shepard was a young student at the University of Wyoming who died on Oct. 12, 1998, several days after he was tortured and beaten by two men who admitted in court that it was because of his sexual orientation. He was only 21.

His funeral and the trial that followed brought out the worst, and the best, of American society. Demonstrators held signs saying "Matt Shepard Is In Hell" and "God Hates Fags," while others dressed in white with large angel wings tried to block the view of the haters so Matt's family and friends wouldn't have to see the disgusting displays.

Matt's death, however, brought years of attention to hate crimes and encouraged Americans to visit their souls and their conscience about the ways we view people who are gay or lesbian. His torment got us to seriously consider and critically think about why we sometimes hate people for just being different, or for just being who they are and not trying to hide it.

The tangible impact of Matt Shepard's death is seen in newly enacted hate crime laws throughout our nation, but more importantly his life, and tragic end, has changed our mind-set to being more accepting of one another. Matt was a hero.

Many of us who are closer to our final days on Earth every time we wake up have learned in all of our years that there is nothing more important in this world - whether it be bank accounts or titles of position or property owned - than how we are treated, and loved, by others and how we treat them.

Two excellent movies tell the story of these two heroes: "Pedro," filmed in 2009 and written by Dustin Lance Black, the Academy Award winner of "Milk," and "The Matthew Shepard Story," 2001, starring Stockard Channing and Sam Waterston.

They are must-see movies for anyone who wants to learn, and think, about how human beings can sometimes hurt one another, but can also share love together. I have donated my DVD copies to the Portsmouth Public Library and they are available through other sources as well.

Today's Quote: "It's a lot easier for me to face my own fears and face the uncertainty of my own life knowing that he's there," Pedro said about his lover, Sean, to those celebrating with him during the wedding ceremony on MTV's "Real World." Then he turned to Sean and said, "So, I love you."

Today's Thought: If any one of us is to have a right, we all have to share those rights.

Next Time: City elections, time to ask and decide.

Jim Splaine is a former longtime Democratic state representative, state senator and assistant mayor from Portsmouth. His political column appears every other week in Seacoast Sunday.