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I've wanted to write some kind of tribute to my friend Jack, who passed away in 1995 at the age of 32. This wasn't how I expected to do it. I expected to write something around his birthday (it was Bastille Day) or the anniversary of his death, which is in early June. But recent events have called me to write this a bit sooner, and in a different way.
Jack would have been happy to be part of this historical push for marriage equality and an end to discrimination with respect to gender. He would have loved to even be able to think about marrying someone he loved, which during his lifetime seemed impossible.
For a major NH political figure to call bills ending discrimination against certain people "garbage" is not only an insult to the hard work of the legislators and drafting lawyers. It is essentially calling the people affected "garbage" as well.
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Jack and I met during our freshman year at college. I promptly forgot him, but the following semester he literally popped up at one of the many watering holes in our college town and started chatting with me. I was in the midst of ending one relationship and starting another, and I thought Jack was just another guy on the make. But he was nice and friendly and got my mind off the other two young men I was dealing with. We soon formed a close friendship. He had a girlfriend at the time. That soon fizzled. A year later, Jack came out to me. We were walking in the woods somewhere and he told me he was gay, but had only just admitted it to himself.
He was an artist, majoring in Studio Art. We spent a great deal of time together over the years. After graduation, I went to Europe for awhile, and he moved to New York City, away from his parents and siblings (to whom he wouldn't come out until close to the end of his life).
In New York, we became roommates for awhile. I refer to it as the poor person's "Will and Grace". I could somehow never watch that show. We also spent a great deal of time together, going to concerts, movies, hockey games. I became goods friends with his partner at the time, and I'm still thankfully in touch with him.
Did I mention Jack was HIV positive? He did many things to halt its onset, but unfortunately, in 1995, nine years after his diagnosis, Jack passed from this world. He became very ill just before the various "drug cocktails" that are keeping people alive were available.
One thing I know for sure is that Jack, ever the romantic, would have welcomed the chance to marry and start his own family. Not necessarily have or adopt children, but to me, married couples are a family just as they are. He would have wanted us all to dress up, have flowers, music, the cake..everything. That's how Jack was. He would have written his own vows, for sure, and he would have kept them.
That is what one person in NH calls "garbage". And he's so proud of it that it's quoted in the newspaper for all to see.
Well, Jack could not marry, but soon other same sex couples in his home state of New York will be able to. Just as in Massachusetts, Iowa and Vermont. New Hampshire is still in question.
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