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"My position remains clear," said the Governor. "The sacred purpose of marriage is the the preservation of the species through the creation of new life. Consequently, I oppose marriage between a man and a man, or between a woman and a woman.
"However, we should not be so closed-minded that we oppose all same sex marriage, even when it is consistent with that purpose. I strongly support the right of a male corporation to merge with another male corporation, and will look with pride and joy at all the little subsidiaries they bring forth. The same with two female corporations - my wife Ann often shops at, or acquires, businesses on the distaff side, and tells me that many of these corporations hope to find comfort and happiness and greater profitability by joining their lives together. More power to them!
"Some critics on the left complain that I am supporting more rights for our corporate brothers than for those people made of flesh and bones. I urge the President to not engage in class warfare, trying to divide us along some artificial bionic line."